The Cathartic Truth

Oh jeez. I did it again.

I've been a neglectful blogger.

There's no excuse, guys. I just... it's not you- it's me.

But here I am again, trying to get my shiz together and get back into this daily grind thing. I feel like my life has been one crazy blur since I moved back here from New York and you know what? It's time to hit pause. I have been working my a$$ off and I am finally reaping the rewards. Not only do I work with some of the best people, but I am getting paid quite nicely (thanks to a raise I got just recently. Hello paychecks of which I have money left over. I missed you dearly) but I am also bursting with a lot of creative and productive spirit lately.

I dunno what happened to me in New York but my inner workhorse was awakened and I recently discovered that in order to do what I love, I sometimes have to work a lot to get there. And by sometimes I mean all the time. Now, luckily, I am working hard in a place that I really enjoy with people that inspire me daily. It's a great place to be in.

Granted, my life isn't all kittens and rainbows, but whose is? I am officially not a member of my church that I grew up in anymore. It's sad but it's also something that I needed to do for my own spirit. I feel like I keep getting asked why I left and why I don't show up for service anymore and it's such a hard thing to answer. The truth is- I can't support a church that doesn't believe in me. I know it may not be the total truth on their side- but it's exactly how I felt. All the time. Being a homosexual, to me, is not a choice. It's just another wonderful quirk that God added to me as he was creating me. To you, it's a choice and worthy of borderline treating me like I was a child toucher or something terrible to be quarantined from all activity. I am not angry about it- because it's just personal belief. It wouldn't be fair for me to judge you for yours since I am praying that I don't get judged for mine.

Do I sound like I am trying to be a martyr? God, I hope not.

What I am trying to do is be honest. I am tired of lying and glazing over the truth. I spent ten years in that church only to be forced into a seen but not heard position and it hurt. Therefore- I decided to save myself some mental health and move on. I love God and I always will. I'm just going to have to find another place to worship.

Corey Matthews and I are officially besties and nothing more. And you know what? I like it that way. It makes life a LOT less confusing. A LOT. Who knows, maybe he'll end up confessing his undying love for me down the road but as of right now I don't see it happening and i kind of don't want it to. I need a best friend like him in my life and to try and force it into something more would only hurt the two of us.

Plus, he has some latin man candy on his fishing line and i am kind of pulling for them.

Get it? Pulling? Fishing line?

Chut up. That was golden.

Anywho, I just miss this place. I miss making blogs and being my wacky funny self. I highly suggest people start journals or blogs or whatever. It's totally cathartic in an incredibly public way.