Risky Business

I'm going to admit it to the world- I am an over thinker.

I tend to dwell on problems that wouldn't even be problems if I left them alone and i tend to analyze a phrase until I've come up with seventy different possibilities of meaning when it could have honestly been met at face value and been completely accurate. I'm too smart for my own good and my stupidity knows now bounds. This is incredibly apparent when I am romantically inclined towards someone. There's a boy, lets just call him Cory Matthews(because after you all google it, you'll know exactly why), who has stolen my heart.

No matter how much I try and deny it and blame it on being lonely or me just wanting to like someone for the sake of liking them- I can't help it. Cory is one of my best friends now and at the end of the night when I am trying to leave his house- I still talk to him for hours next to my car because it's just easy. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Flirty and dangerous? Then you fall into each other's arms for a hug goodnight, I pull back- he looks at me- I look at him- we're looking at each other- and the kiss. The best kiss ever. The kiss I've been waiting for since November...

But oh wait.... darn the luck! THAT HASN'T HAPPENED.

You see, the hard part about falling for a guy who just happens to be a great friend is the paralyzing fear that you're going to screw it all up and not only get your heart stomped on romantically- but you're also going to lose one of your best friends in the process. Now I don't know about you, but I am not ready to get my heart broken and lose the person I would want to talk to to feel better in the same stroke.

So, dear Cory Matthews, I've held back. I've been patient, and jealous, and just playing the friend game. And you know what? It's nearly satisfying. Nearly.

Cory and I had a long talk last night. We touched on the reason why we wouldn't date. Both of us coming to the same conclusion- it could ruin our friendship if it goes sour. Isn't it just the funniest thing how we, as humans, always lean towards the worst outcome and judge the actions by it? What about the opposing side of that? What if we end up being amazing and the relationship only goes to a better place? What of that? Isn't the risk worth that kind of outcome?

I can honestly say that I could fall in love with Cory Matthews. I can see my friends loving him, my parents adoring him, and my life better with him in it- but I also know that there are two sides to this coin and even if I feel like it's worth the fight, it won't work if Cory doesn't.

So I wait. I'll be patient, Cory. You're worth the wait.